All Hail The Outsiders!

May 19, 2010

in How to be a Housewife

We have visitors coming!  REAL PEOPLE!  FROM OUTSIDE!  People who AREN’T related to us!

(Not that I don’t love our relations, but they are kind of obligated to come.  Or at least pretend they want to.)

Why am I so excited?  Because they are from SOME PLACE.  Other than the Middle of Nowhere.  Like Chicago.  Granted, we are just their pit stop on their way to SOME OTHER PLACE.  But still!  They are Voluntarily stopping Here.

(Can you tell I’m really freakin’ excited?)

Don’t get me wrong, we have fantastic, amazing friends here in Middle of Nowhere, USA.  People who pretend to think both I and the Big Man are as funny as we think we are.  But it’s not exactly an adventure for them to come hang out with us.

Also?  If they make the mistake of staying past 7pm – they can leave.

Not that we turn off the lights and go to bed at 7pm.  Nor do we begin our nightly worship of chocolate chip cookies then (well, we do – but we share!).

7pm in our house?  Is when Fussy Time starts.  This is when the Little Man decides:

  1. Being alive is MUCH harder today than he had anticipated.
  2. Bottle Feeding is for losers.  Real babies ONLY take the boob.
  3. Stranger Danger applies to EVERYONE.  Except Mama.  Even if he was laughing and smiling in your arms at 6:59pm.  At 7pm?  You are now a very shady character, Mr!
  4. Mama is NOT allowed to sit down while holding him.  Show some respect!
Our local friends have very quickly learned DO NOT TOUCH THE BABY when it is Fussy Time.  Not unless you want to meet the local police responding to a domestic disturbance call at our house.  Sure, you might be able to coax out a smile.  As long as you are standing across the room from him.  And don’t make any sudden moves.  (Want to hold a happy, smiling, cooing baby?  Please make an appointment for the hours of 2pm-4pm.  Or turn on a Gerber commercial.)
It’s much like living with a baby bear.  Or so I imagine.
So considering the number of possibly-probably emergency rescue calls our friends seem to get when they are over here after 7pm (you know, the kind that you set up with your best friends before going on a Blind date…or the kind you desperately set up while in the bathroom on your Blind date), I’m rather surprised anyone Not related to us is willing to spend the night.
Of course, its been a while since I actually talked to these Outside Visitors…so they may not have gotten the 7pm memo.
Which means I’d better go make some chocolate chip cookies.
Everything is better with chocolate chip cookies.  Even the last-minute Motel 6 room they may flee to at 7:20 tonight.


Life with Kaishon May 21, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I hope you have the best fun! And I hope the sweet baby bear doesn't get all growly : )

Accidental Baby Maker May 19, 2010 at 7:34 pm

I hear it . . .we are the first of our friends/siblings to have kids and its always funny when you try to explain what life is like on this side…. no more crazy nights, random trips… good luck … we are having some of hubs friends in friday night… should be interesting to see how they handle the little man

Domesticated Gal May 19, 2010 at 5:18 pm

We're the first of most of our friends to have kids, and definitely the first they'll be visiting. Fortunately they're pretty laid back. And with the number of evening events I've had to leave early carrying a kid mid-wig-out, I've become much less embarrassed about it now!

Course, i've been cleaning like MAD the last 2 days…can't have people sleeping in your living room when its full of kid stuff and garage sale finds!

Cranky Mommy May 19, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Hope you don't stress out about it too much. I guess a childless couple might not know what they're in for, but if they have kids, they'll probably be fine! Good luck!

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