An Anonymous Streaker…er, Blogger

July 27, 2011

in Guest Hosts, Running In Place

I would LOVE to take credit for today’s post.  Because it is exactly the kind of thing that would happen to me.  If I ran.  But I don’t run.  Or at least not more than once a year.  And while I do feel a running kick coming on, I’m fairly certain Maine’s winter is going to start any day now.  And everyone knows you can’t run in the cold…

Regardless, today’s brilliant laugh was emailed to me anonymously by someone who is probably pretty awesome.  

So I decide today to start jogging again for the first time in months.

So I’m going pretty slow…jog a block, walk a bloc, gasp for air, etc…and I am on the very last jogging stretch, when I notice some major bouncing.  On the left.  Still jogging, I look down to see that my left breast has COMPLETELY freed itself from the 10-year-old sports bra I am wearing, and is precariously close to leaving behind the racerback tank top, as well.

So I stop and put it back in.

I don’t even make it ten steps before it’s hanging out all over again for all the world to (almost) see.  Upon further examination, I realize that the front of the bra and the back of the bra are connected on my left shoulder by a maximum of 5 threads.  I’m stuck: do I jog back to the house and hope that in the shorter timeframe, the increased bouncage will not rip the final threads?  Or do I walk back, hoping the extra time supporting the weight of leftie will not also cause complete collapse? 

I make a mad dash for it.  My breast makes it about 2 seconds.  I wish i could have been the neighbors, watching as one stayed put and bound, and one bounced crazily from shoulder to belly button to neck and all around…(or at least that’s how it felt).  I felt like Two-Face after a mastectomy.

When I got home, the sports bra had my name written in the back of it in Sharpie.  This means I owned it while working at camp and that the latest possible date it could have been purchased was July of 2003.  I’ll be going sports bra shopping this weekend, for sure. 

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