Binge & Purge, Baby!

June 20, 2010

in Cheap Expectations

Did ya’ll miss me?

Yes, I know, I missed me too!  The postings have been unfortunately slim around here.  Mostly because I’ve been slim…slim on time, wit, and time.  In fact I’ve been slim on everything except my waist line it seems (what can I say – you might have your Christmas binge, I have my “OMG I forgot how good strawberries are! With whip-cream! And ice cream!  And chocolate!  ALL AT ONCE! Binge).

And when I have not been bingeing on strawberries (did I mention they are DELICIOUS?  With chocolate??), I have also been busy purging.

No, not strawberries – that would be a crime!

Purging all the Crap we seem to have managed to accumulate in our not-so-tiny apartment in the past 2 years.  Ok, 1 year.  Possibly just 6 months.

Unfortunately for my husband, who would most likely be appearing on a future episode of Hoarders if it were not for me, I tend to get an itch to donate everything we own to Goodwill at least once a year, usually in the Spring.  Last year?  The pregnancy nesting syndrome reared its head for an unscheduled purge in the fall as well.

So you would think, with at least two purges last year, we’d be reduced to buying back our possessions from Goodwill by now, wouldn’t you?

Hah.  If only.

How do we accumulate this much Stuff??  Until 6 months ago, we were only 2 people!  How much stuff can 2 people, one of who is a self-proclaimed cheap bastard and the other of whom is unemployed and thus independently broke, possibly collect?

Granted, we did also collect another human being in the past 6 months.  One who not only owns enough baby “equipment” to open up his on ToysRUs, but who also has gone through at least 3 entire wardrobes since January.

Which may be why I’ve been feeling a bit….cramped lately.  Everywhere I look, there are piles of clothes/toys/paraphernalia waiting to be stored.  Or waiting for us to move to a place where there might be room to store it.  Not to mention the fact that our recent fitness craze has led the Big Man to begin collecting his own home gym, piece by sneaky piece.  It started out small, with the non-Chinese version of P90X.  And a few mats.  Then came the bands.  And the weights.  Then the weight set.  And the weight bench.  And the Pull Up Bar.  And before I knew it, we had begun a small (for now…) home gym that would make Gold’s proud.  I should consider charging a gym membership fee to our neighbors to come use it all.  And, admittedly, I did agree (and sometimes instigate) these purchases individually.  I just didn’t see where they were all heading.  I.E.  MY LIVING ROOM.  I’m not sure where I thought they were heading – its not as if we have some secret room in our 2-bedroom home, or a hidden basement somewhere under our second-story apartment.

Then my MIL came to visit.  And in feverishly cleaning for her arrival (the woman may not come with white gloves, but I’ll be damned if I’m not prepared just in case….) I looked around, and realized we hardly had room to fit her in.  Let alone the SIL that was coming with her!  And while the SIL is incredibly slender, she’s also incredibly tall – so its not like I can just stick her in a closet like I did with the Big Man’s desk.

So I purged.  Out went the Denise Austin exercise videos we attempted once and then spent a week mocking.  Out went the millions of not-so-gently used pieces of wrapping paper the Big Man saves every Christmas and which I refuse to reuse since I’ll never find a box the exact size of the pervious gift – old fold lines?  Just look tacky.  The MIL was sent packing…literally.  We packed her car full of the 7 BOXES of baby clothes the Little Man has managed to outgrow in 6 months.  And the bouncy seat that, since he hit 20lbs, is no longer so bouncy.  Or so much a seat.  More like a piece of cloth between him and the floor.  Out went the pants 3 sizes too big for me (although I kept those 2 sizes too big…just in case).  Out went the kitchen instruments I have NO freakin’ clue what they do, but they were 10 cents at a garage sale and seemed like a good idea at the time.

I even almost got out the dozens of shirts that the Big Man has hoarded owned since MIDDLE SCHOOL.  Almost.  Until he caught on and relegated them as “perfectly good cloth” for me to use in “future sewing projects.”  At that point?  The sewing machine almost met its own end.  Almost….

And by the end of a week two weeks, I finally at least had room to breathe again.  So that collection of unmarked electrical cords, used shoelaces, and holy socks I’m fairly certain sought sanctuary under the bed?  Is safe.

For now.

And I?  Am back to blogging nurturing my child.


Domesticated Gal June 24, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Oh so many, many things are going to "disappear" in this next move!

Emily Hodge June 24, 2010 at 12:37 pm

omg…the detail about keeping the shirts from MS for use in future sewing projects??? That is hilarious. And I'm cringing a little bit. It's itching me how much I would like to throw those out for you!

Brenna June 24, 2010 at 2:02 am

It's bad enough that my husband collects all manner of miscellaneous crap, I hadn't considered that one day my daughter might as well. Maybe this explains all those families of 3 on HGTV who insist on 4,000 square foot homes.

The Fickle Nickle June 21, 2010 at 6:01 pm

I really think that clutter multiplies when kids enter their toddler years. My daughter likes to collect and save EVERYTHING. I feel like I am 'purging' miscellaneous stuff on a daily basis. Brace yourself:) xo

Maggy Lewis June 21, 2010 at 1:24 pm

My new things is saying "find somewhere to put it where I can't see it or it goes to Goodwill tomorrow." It's great! One way or another it is out of sight in 24 hours!

Sandra June 21, 2010 at 2:25 am

You are so funny and such a delight. I'm glad you are back to blog… I mean nurture your child! :)

WTH am I Doing? June 20, 2010 at 9:57 pm

Yeah, we need a good purge around here, too. Finding the time to coordinate the purge (i.e. so I don't throw out something important like the dog or one of the kids in my haste) has been a little more difficult. I've relegated that to the "when I finish school" zone. So, I have about 3 months left to procrastinate…

Bahnie June 20, 2010 at 9:16 pm

I have been trying to get a certain husband to help me purge our study as you can't even walk in it! I've come to the scary realization that I'm on my own. So I'll start on it as soon as he's back at work. Have a good day!

"As We Speak" June 20, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Great post as usual…funny and smart!
I can totally relate to getting rid of clutter.
If there is a word meaning the "opposite" of
hoarding…that would describe me!
I am a big "thrower outer!"


Melissa June 20, 2010 at 8:31 pm

I have life binges. Mine are 'oh, I'm living today and its 9am. Binge.' and then its 'oh, i'm still living and its 10am.'

I do the SAME thing. Are two things piled in that corner? Two? Time to get rid of EVERYTHING!

I got rid of absolutely every single thing from my daughter's babyhood. Then we got pregnant with my son and I was kicking myself in the ass because I could not have cared less to go shopping for it all over again.

So, now he plays with pink things that the older ones leaves around. In my defense, I did spring for new pacifiers…

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