Color Me

February 3, 2009

in Cheap Expectations

So we all know that the Big Man is a cheap…man. Walmart is his favorite store. He buys his pants online in bulk. And still wears dress shirts he bought in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Upscale shopping is a trip to Target.

While I’m no Neiman Marcus by any means, I do enjoy the sales rack at Banana Republic {btw can anyone spell banana without singing the Gwen Stefani song anymore?}. While I refuse to start buying my business suits at Walmart, I have tried to become more budget conscious. In that vein, the Big Man suggested I start getting my hair cut at the local version of Quick Cuts. The kind where its one rectangular room, with mirrors and stations on either side. Their version of a wash is to spray you down with the water bottle they just used to scare away the local stray cat. Sure they can do men’s‘ cuts well – if they screw it up, you just get a crew cut or a buzz cut instead! For those of us who need more than that, however, its results can be abysmal. At my first visit where all I asked for was a trim – take the existing layers and bring them up by 1/2 inch – I came out looking like a mushroom head. Needless to say, the results effectively ended the Big Man’s campaign on that front.

In an effort to be a good, supportive, cheapish wife, I put forth the compromise that I could have a real haircut – and in return I would start doing my own hair color again. I did it in college after all, its not like anything has changed in 5 years.

Yes, we all know where this is going.

But in my defense, it did not start out there. The first four or five times of dying it “Mahogany” – a very nice dark auburn – went very well. And then I decided it was getting a bit too red. When I walk by a darkened window and have to do a double take (yes, I do a single take – I am that vain) to verify that the the reddish halo around my head is just me and not a visit from Tess on Touched by an Angel. So what would logic dictate? Obviously that I should now dye my hair with dark brown dye. That way, the reddish highlights would still show through but much less. Like magic, I would go back to the original color on the box.

Well, it kind of worked. Definitely shows through in the back portions – probably the parts where I got distracted by the Big Man walking by and laughing/having traumatic daydreams about being married to Betty Rubble. However, the front is so dark as to almost be black. No, not almost. It is black. Like the kind of black we all wished for when reading “Anne of Green Gables” and wishing we were Anne’s best friend Diane, with the raven-black hair and snow white skin. Was the box mislabeled or did my hair go the paint box route (you know, where all the water colors finally mixed together when you put it away before it dried out and now they are all a muddy black color)? Do I care?

Now comes the question – call my hairstylist and beg her to extend my hair cut appointment to include an emergency color correction? or attempt to fix it myself by adding on another box of mahogany or lighter auburn??

And have I mentioned I’m going on a cruise in 2 weeks where there will be cameras everywhere on ship recording each and every well-lighted moment?

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