First Impressions

August 22, 2011

in Mommy-ville Detour

Today was the Little Miss’s 2month check up.  

Being that this is my second child, you would think we would be old hands at this.  Go in, strip the kid, poke the kid, try and get the kid to do its latest trick for the doctor, stick the kid with a needle or two, dress the kid, and take the kid home.  Simple, right?

Except we moved.

And our doctor didn’t.

Which meant I had to find a new doctor.  One who hasn’t seen me through learning how to breast feed, cloth diaper, differentiating between a rash and a RASH, or figuring out how not to kill my kid.  In short, someone who I’m not sure won’t call child protective services on me.

Which means that, whomever we see, Doesn’t know what an Awesome mom I am.  They don’t know that I feed my kids almost daily.  And wash them from head to ankle toe.  And don’t regularly beat them.  All they’ll know is what they see the day of the appointment.

Yeah, we all know where this is going, don’t we?

So I found a doctor.  Set the appointment.  And put it in the Big Man’s calendar.  My calendar.  The calendar that hangs on our fridge.  And a post-it note stuck to the laptop.

And in preparation for our big visit with the new doctor, last night I fed, bathed, lotioned, and groomed the Little Man from head to toe.  Sure, he may not have been the one getting poked and prodded today – but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be seen.

This morning, I fed, bathed, lotioned, and groomed myself from head to toe.  Sure, I may not have been the one getting poked and prodded today – but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t be seen as well.

Then I took a look at the Little Miss.

You know, the girl who Would be getting poked and prodded today?

And realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d bathed her.

I mean, there weren’t any buzzards circling above her head.  But her hair usually isn’t that…shiny….

So we fed, bathed, lotioned, and groomed her from head to toe.

There we were, an hour before the appointment all bright and shining.  Fed, bathed, lotioned, and groomed from head to toe.  Anyone meeting us for the first time would think “Wow, look at that happy, well fed, bathed and groomed family!  All wearing polos!  And smelling like baby lotion!  There’s no way they aren’t healthy!

We were ready for our judgement day appointment.  Or an OlanMills photo session.  Regardless – we?  Were pretty.

And then the Little Man fell down the stairs.  And landed on his face.

And the Little Miss projectile spit up.  Like Linda Blair.  On one of her bad days.

And I, the ever over-producing breast feeder, leaked through my t-shirt.

{ 3 comments }

Marcie November 1, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Ahhh! Well at least you can look back and laugh at it now. ;o)

Megan (Best of Fates) August 31, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Okay, that’s hilarious. I mean, from our perspective at least!

Domesticated Gal August 31, 2011 at 6:44 pm

It was pretty funny…After the hysterical tears stopped. And I’m not talking about the Little Man’s!

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