Someone Should Probably Call the EPA…

May 7, 2010

in Cheap Expectations

Dear Future Self,

I’d like to take you on a tour of the greenery currently occupying space in my apartment (minus the Christmas Tree…which I did eventually take down…and is fake):

First, we have the Jade Tree:

And by Jade Tree, I obviously mean the world’s smallest tree-shaped cactus.  It’s buried grounded stuck in ROCKS.  And it needs watering about once every 2 months.  Alright, probably at least once a month – but it has managed to thrive survive on whatever dregs of breastmilk, wine, or water I happen to spill on it in passing.  Granted, it has not grown a single centimeter since I brought it home.  2 years ago.  But it is still alive!  And green!

Next, we have the Christmas Cactus:

(It’s the one on the left.)  (The one on the right is an ill-conceived birthday gift.  That I thought would live in the Big Man’s office.  Not on my kitchen counter.)

True, it probably isn’t big enough to be bowed over by its own weight yet.  And it only partially blooms once a year.  In November.  But it is still alive.  Which is more than I can say for my first Christmas Cactus.

Finally, we have Whatever This Is:
Granted, in its natural state it would only have green leaves.  It tends to sprout yellow leaves when I’ve forgotten to water it for at least 3 weeks.  So about once a month.

And I have to give it credit, it has adapted to life in the DG household – much like the guinea pig who has learned to squeal every night at 6pm for his dinner, this plant has learned to change colors to distract me from my Top Chef marathons long enough to water it.

In addition to our “indoor plants,” I also planned to plant a small herb garden.  Nothing too ambitious, but just enough to avoid having to pay a whole $0.97 for ten times more cilantro than I’ll ever use – even in our month-long recipes.  I’ve actually purchased the seeds, the container, the dirt, the watering can, and some Very cute gardening gloves.  (Did I mention we were doing this to save probably $5 a summer?)  I could show you a picture of it.  Or you could just look at a Walmart bag and imagine it filled with the perfect gardening supplies.  For two months.

Which is why I had to laugh when the Big Man mentioned that he thinks our next rental should be a house.  To practice for when we one day use his prestigious & useful degree to pay off both his loans and the loans for my prestigious & pretty degree and can buy a house of our own.  With a yard.  Naturally.

So, Future Self, when the Big Man comes home and asks you who stole the front yard and replaced it with yellow weeds interspersed around patches of mud- just remind him of the early warning signs.  They’re always so obvious in retrospect

Love Ya Loads,

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