Four Years

May 24, 2012

in After The Honeymoon, How to be a Housewife

Four years.

In four years, I could earn another degree. Granted, it would probably be my GED, since the babies ate my brain and I can’t remember any new information not pertaining to the infinite number of things you can clean poo off of.

In four years, I could work off enough community service hours to justify actually killing the moron in front of me who thought the two feet in front of my car was enough space to cut over mid-text.

In four years, I could have another kid. Or learn to resuscitate the Big Man from the minor heart attack I just gave him.

Which makes four years seem like a long time.

So how has it already been four years that I’ve been married?

Granted, by the time I did actually tie the knot with the Big Man, it seemed like we’d already been together forever. Maybe because we’d already been dating for almost 6years at that point. Or maybe because our idea of an exciting date was/is/always will be adding an extension pack onto Settlers of Catan. By the time our wedding date actually rolled around, the whole idea just seemed a tad redundant.

But people always said marriage changed everything.

And since I always have to learn the lesson the hard way, we got married.

Four years later? We still are.

Although, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure how. I’d have bet good on money on him killing me by now. Gawd knows I’d have killed me by now.

We spent the first year fighting over the dishes. First it was which ones to get. And then, once I finally convinced him that Frisbees were no longer considered appropriate to serve our guests on, it was where to put them in the kitchen. Over the sink, where you could easily put them away? Or over the counter, where they’d actually be used. Or in that corner pantry that nothing else really fits into? And then it was who got to wash them? The one who made the mess, or the one who didn’t just spend minutes slaving over a hot microwave to prepare the night’s leftovers?

Once we finally decided to throw them out and just use paper sorted all that out, I got pregnant.

And then it was where to put the baby’s dishes. And his diapers. And toys. And clothes. And my pre-baby clothes. And my maternity clothes. And my post-baby clothes. And did he really need ALL the space in that closet he was calling an office?

You try telling a hormonal pregnant woman her baby’s clothes won’t fit in that closet. 

And then I got pregnant again.

At which point, any pretense of washing the dishes at all went out the window. Along with my emotional stability, waistline, and ability to speak above a Pre-K level.

And now? Here we are. Four years, two kids, and two sets of dishes later, and still married. It’s like a Memorial Day Miracle.

And while tradition dictates that this is the year to give fruit or flowers, I think the Big Man may appreciate this just a tad more…


Deb & Alix May 26, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Happy Anniversary :))))))) We just love the laughs you provide! Have fun celebrating between the dishes, the diapers, the endless fixing of meals, etc. etc.!!! Think it’s time for you to grab some wine with the Big Man :)

NSC May 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Dude…my 3 year anniversary with DH was yesterday. I picked memorial day weekend that year so we could celebrate a long weekend every year instead of a specific day. That went to s**t quick.


Accidental Baby Maker May 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

I couldn’t help but laugh, we are coming up on our 5 year anniversary in September and kids were in our 5 year plan…. meaning, we’d start trying after we had been married 5 years.

Little man turned 2 in February :o)

Our life took crazy turns but I wouldn’t want it any other way !

Happy Anniversary!!!

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