Gootchie Gootchie Goo

March 28, 2010

in Blame The Sudafed

I was raised by a mother who was Fanatical about grammar.  And that’s putting it mildly.  By the time I hit fifth grade, I instinctively knew when to use ‘I” vs. “me,” the proper way to answer the phone according to Ms. Manners, and was banned from using slang such as “Kudos.”  When everyone else was frantically cramming for their English grammar exams,I was practicing the Macarena. Because I’m cool like that.

So of course, in my “Perfect Mother” fantasies, I never dreamed of using baby talk with my child.  Why start them off with bad habits?  And isn’t it just adorable when a toddler comes up to you and asks for a juice box in a perfectly articulated sentence?  Creepy, but adorable. 

I just knew that when talking with my infant son, I would maintain my innate grasp on the English language in the same perfectly-pitched tones that once had my boss prank-calling me to get me to use my “Phone Sex” customer service voice.  (Seriously – block your number and call me sometime.  My voice will automatically go all deep/smooth enough to melt buttah in ya’ll’s mouth.) 

Alas, just as my vow never to resort to “ur” or “b4” in my Twitters has succumbed to peer pressure, so too has my vow to communicate with my child only on the highest level possible.  It started off innocently enough.  He squealed.  I squealed back.  He smiled.  I was sunk.  Because I?  Will do ANYTHING for that smile.  I spend alll day coaxing that smile out of him over and over.  And, apparently, that does not include discussing the antics of Curious George in a calm, even tone and complete sentences.

No.  My conversations with my son-the-future-genius go as such:

Me:  “Are you hungry?  Are you Huuuungry?  Do you want some foooood?  Sum yummy food for your tummy?”

Bobby: small grin

Me:  “Are you HUUUUNGRY?” Waoooooooo.

Bobby:  Huge grin

Me: Waooooo.  Rooowwwrrr.  Gootchie Gootchie Goo.

That’s right.  Gootchie Gootchie Goo.  Even Google’s spell-check went crazy over that last paragraph.  But so did Bobby.  Squeals, Giggles, Smiles galore.  For about five seconds.  Before he began screaming hysterically to let me know that Yes, he was indeed hungry, and would someone please stop the silly singing and feed him RIGHT NOWPLEASE.

So perhaps we will start teaching him how to diagram sentences next month instead.  After all – who could resist such a cutie-patootie bugaboo chunky moooonkey?


Maggy Jeanette March 30, 2010 at 2:23 am

When you offered to call my absent RVSPs, all I could think about was your stranger seduction phone voice and would this be very GOOD or very BAD for our attendance?

Liz & Brian March 28, 2010 at 2:41 pm

omg, SO true. i vowed the same thing, but it is so hard not to baby talk! much harder than i thought.

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