Hunger Strikes

August 23, 2011

in Mommy-ville Detour

Every once in a while I read an actual newspaper.  Usually when People’s website has crashed.  Or my Farmville crops have died.  (Yes, my electronic thumb is no different from my Actual thumb – which is about as green as a rotten tomato.)

I’ll wait till ya’ll get back from checking your crops….

So.  Where was I?

Yes!  I read! The newspaper!  And, after I’ve finished playing my expresso-shot drinking game with the advice columnists (how many times in one column can they suggest therapy??), I turn to the front section to find out who’s on a hunger strike today.

There seems to always be some poor political prisoner or another on a hunger strike.

And, in the past, I’ve always found myself sympathetic to them.  Even if I don’t know or support their actual cause – I’ve got to admire the fact that they are giving up FOOD for it.  No double stuff Oreos.  No french onion Sun Chips.  NO KRISPY KREME DONUTS.

To me?  That just sounds like the Worst. Diet. Ever.  (Which, incidentally, I am currently on.)  But for these folks, its their way of striking back against the Man.  That or the fact that their prison menus fail to include Krispy Kreme donuts.

But I’ve admired them.  And experienced sympathetic hunger pangs on their behalf.  Which I’ve generously consoled with another Krispy Kreme.  Or two.

But now??

Now, I sympathize with their guards.

Because, while I can only imagine how bad the hunger pains for these prisoners must be, I KNOW what their guards are feeling.

Because, it turns out, the Little Man?  Is a Hunger Strike PRO.

And no, it is not because my cooking is that bad.  Usually.

He was born this way.  The Little Man entered the world on a hunger strike, and has been utilizing them ever since.

The first two days of his life?  When he decided learning to nurse was just to freakin’ hard and he’d rather go back to the umbilical cord, thank you very much?  HUNGER STRIKE.

When we tried to train him to a bottle at three months?  HUNGER STRIKE.

And when we introduced him to vegetables?  HUNGER. STRIKE.  EVER. SINCE.

Or at least that’s the way it feels to me.  His mother guard.  The one who, at least once every ten days, gets to witness the red-faced, snot-nosed, end-of-the-world, hysterics as he pitches himself to the floor in a desperate attempt to dissuade me to, for the love of a decent meal, put the vegetables AWAY!  The one who gets to drag an extremely adorable child from store to store on our daily errands, explaining to each and every stranger who tries to coax a smile out of him that, no, he’s not socially dysfunctional.  He’s just hungry.  BECAUSE HE WON’T EAT HIS VEGETABLES.

Have you ever tried going to the grocery store with a toddler on a Hunger Strike?  As he mournfully asks for a “nana” over and over and over again.  Well after you’ve left the bright shiny pyramid of bananas and headed over to the paper towels?

Try explaining to the kindly grandmother in line behind you that, NO, he cannot have that peppermint candy she managed to unstick from the bottom of her purse.  He can’t have anything.  Until he eats his vegetables.

Watch the horror wash over her face.  The sympathetic turn of her eyes to your child.  Who seems to be wasting away…at a good solid 35pounds.

All because he won’t eat the well-cooked, well-seasoned, perfect bowl of vegetables you put in front of him for dinner.  Three nights ago.

The same bowl you’ve been giving him for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack ever since.

Yes, we are THOSE parents.

Because the Little Man?  Has decided that Vegetables?  Are his Mortal Enemy.

And he?  Is determined.  Until the world has heard his cries.  And he has been freed from the tyranny of the Man.  He?  Will. Not. Eat.

{ 5 comments }

Megan (Best of Fates) August 30, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Now that boy is dedicated to his cause!

(And I obviously I don’t read the papers enough, as I didn’t think anyone’s gone on a hunger strike since Gandhi!)

Domesticated Gal August 31, 2011 at 7:15 am

He seriously is! If this boy ever takes up a Real cause…the world is in for some cranky days!

Poppy August 28, 2011 at 1:44 pm

What? You had another baby?????? I just forgot about this post completely…….how on earth did I miss this! NO wonder you haven’t been blogging. Congratulations Meg. I think that is the cutest picture ever. And my 38 pound 7 year old outlasted me a full two days once before I gave in once.

Domesticated Gal August 23, 2011 at 2:09 pm

It's so different! Whereas the Little Man didn't eat for 2 days after birth, she was ready to latch on the second she came out and hasn't stopped since! And we got her on a bottle early, so while she certainly doesn't prefer it she'll take it w/o a hunger strike! It continually amazes me…here's hoping she continues…

Liz August 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm

eating issues are the worst! he looks so unhappy with his meal in that picture, ha ha. please tell me number 2 is easier so far? i mean, she can't really go on veggie hunger-strike, but how's the nursing?

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