I am Wonder Woman

May 17, 2010

in How to be a Housewife

In my past life, I ran a $1.2 million business, oversaw 50+ employees, gave dynamic presentations to groups large and small, and generally did my best to imitate Wonder Woman’s 80hr/week work ethic.  I worked more weekends than not, often arrived home after midnight, and put more miles on my car in a single month than most people do all year.  There was nothing I wouldn’t do.

Not just once, but twice, I actually convinced my boss, Mo, to paint a bridge with me.  At midnight.  Wearing paper crowns (and a rival school’s sweatshirt…can’t get paint on the good one!).  All in the name of marketing one of our big annual events.  (Not that it took much convincing, since Mo is not only a notorious night owl, but also has the energy of a large whirlwind.  On crack.  Well not actual crack.  More like an IV of expresso and Taco Bell.  Which is why she is one of my role models for Life.)


In short, I was THE Career Gal.  I got excited at the prospect of traveling for business, of making my Net goals for the month, and for office-sponsored trips to Staples.  (Of course that last may just have been my OCD kicking in, since Staples is one of my Favorite places on earth.  You can organize Everything there!  And color-code it!  And the Post-It Notes!  Oh My, do I love me some Post-Its!)

And while I always planned on becoming a mother, I’d never have planned on becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom.  While the Big Man and I had discussed it, and agreed it would be ideal in our “perfect parenting Utopia,” (a place where babies slept through the night, never had to be trained to take a bottle…again, and came out of the womb knowing how to read and converse intelligently on their views of our welfare system) – it was not financially feasible.  At least not with the Big Man’s addiction to Higher Education.  And my addiction to Banana Republic.

(Ever feel like your life is just one big sitcom for the Universe?)

If you hadn’t realized, I’m posting this at 1pm.  On a Monday.  In my pajamas work-out clothes.

Obviously?  Something went awry.

More specifically, I gave up my former fabulous job for one at a non-profit when we moved to the Middle of Nowhere.  And then, a month after I announced I was pregnant and a week after an excellent yet mysteriously undocumented review, I was conveniently fired for my (then anonymous) blog.

Not that I’m bitter.  Not in the least.  At least not anymore.  Very often.

And while I have found that being hit with projectile poo and bath-time pee, covered in rice cereal spittle and drool, and being woken up 5x a night to retrieve that pesky pacifier in the dark without my glasses is even more rewarding than exceeding my projected budget in a down year, I do still have an addiction to Banana Republic to feed.  (Because their T-shirts? Fit like Magic.)

So, for the past year, I have been on the hunt for a job.  At least a part-time gig that pays well enough to cover decent child-care (i.e. not a choke-chain staked out in the yard next to a bowl of water).  And this job search?  Has lead to some very interesting interviews.  And by interesting, I mean terrible.


Want More?

Tune in tomorrow!  Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel…

(But in the mean time, GO HERE.  K is an awesome, amazing girl whose talent and intellect know no bounds, and who is officially the Queen of Terrible Interviews.  And if you are looking for the best person for the job you should Totally hire her.  Unless you live out in the Middle of Nowhere.  In which case you should hire me.  I’ll bring my own crown.)


Drew May 18, 2010 at 10:45 am

came via my cousins (Mo) suggestion. Great blog you have.

Crystal Escobar May 17, 2010 at 10:22 pm

What an awesome blog you have here. Seriously, I just loved reading every bit of that post. You have such a fun way of writing.
I'm new here, and just became a follower. I look forward to getting to know you better.

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