I win…

April 8, 2010

in How to be a Housewife

Three months ago, I agonized for days over giving my son his first bottle.  And while that may not sound like a long time, when you’re only sleeping for 4 of those 24 hours each day, it becomes an agonizingly long time.  But since the office of unemployment had decided that, after 6 months of unemployment, I was finally ready for the orientation session, the 4hour orientation session filled with helpful hints like “wear a shirt & pants to your interview” and “know what jobs you’ve held when filling out an application,” I needed to get him to take the bottle for at least one day.

And he did!  After the first bottle, so easily!  For anyone!  Anywhere!  You could snuggle him close, just like they do in the movies and watch him stare unblinkingly at you while he guzzled down more milk in 5 minutes than he’d normally get out of the breast in an entire hour!  And the freedom!  A bottle in the fridge allowed me to leave the house!  I could go to the hairdresser for a cut AND color!  Or SLEEP IN!

And then we got lazy.  Or actually the complete opposite – too busy to sleep in, too busy to go out on my own, too busy to feed the little man a bottle.  Until two weeks ago, when the Big Man said the most loving thing ever:

“Why don’t you turn off the monitor and get some more sleep.”

THAT is why I married this man.  He gets me.  He understands.  He KNOWS.  Specifically, that I tend to turn into Medusa with anything less than 8 hours of sleep.

When I staggered out 5 hours later, it was to find my little man attempting to re-enact the Exorcist possession scene while my big man attempted to feed him.  That’s all.  Just feed him.  A little warm milk from a bottle.

The Little Man? Was. Not. Having. It.

And thus, we have spent the last ten days cramming a bottle into his mouth.  At first, he went on a hunger strike.  Which lasted for a week.  A week of the Big Man trying every night to feed our screaming child a bottle while I huddled in the corner of the couch as my boobs begged me to just give in and feed the kid already.  A week of begging our friends to come over – just in case it wasn’t a bottle thing, but an us thing.  It wasn’t.

But a 21pound kid can only hold out so long.  Longer than you’d think, true, but eventually he learned how to latch onto his bottle…and anything else he decided to show affection for.

Yes!  Victory!


Because while it appeared that we had won, and he would happily eat from the bottle morning, noon, and night – he had, in fact, decided on a more subtle route.  Sure, he’d eat.  But if he wasn’t allowed to fall asleep with a boob in his mouth, he wasn’t falling asleep.

And since he’s spending a weekend at grandma’s in a few weeks, and it would be both pointless and creepy for her to nurse him to sleep, we couldn’t declare victory until he did.

Thus began the week without naps.

Oh god.  A week without naps.  My time to actually get things done.  Or sleep.  Mostly sleep.  Gone.

Last night?  I almost caved.  I was one whimper away from giving in when the Big Man swooped in to save the night by watching him while I napped.

And then today…

I win.


Domesticated Gal April 16, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Ok, I admit I cheated a bit. Have not done the bottle at night. I just can't face that. Grandma? Will just have to deal. She's been begging for a grandkid since before we got married, so I'm sure she'll do so happily.

Melissa April 16, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Victory! Congratu-freaking-lations! That is HUGE!

Sleep for me. Please. And can you dream for me to? Can we run through fields of daisies together? Because all I see at night are tears of exhaustion.

Domesticated Gal April 10, 2010 at 12:45 pm

lol, i don't think he'll have to wait that long!

Maggy Jeanette April 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm

YES! If I had time to, I would bake you cookies right now. :) Also, your baby is going to be a big man when he grows up.

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