If By Fashion Do, You Mean Fashion Don’t…

May 21, 2010

in Cheap Expectations

Apparently, I owe the internet at large an apology.  Certain key phrases in my latest postings seem to have generated quite a bit of confusion for some people.  And, surprisingly, I’m not talking about the porn surfers.

You see, after my last few posts in which I may have mentioned a) WHITE PANTS (only a few dozen times) and b) my not-so-secret love affair with Banana Republic (does anyone else have to sing the Gwen Stefani song to spell banana?  No?  Just me?  Alrighty then…), I received an interesting email:

We have recently opened up a new fashion community called lookville. It’s a place for people to have discussions, share tips, and ask questions about fashion. Currently memberships are by invitation only, and we would love to have you in our community!”

Spam?  Possibly.  Flattering?  Absolutely.  Completely off-base?  Oh, if only they knew…

True, when I had a job that paid me in real moneys (rather than drool and dropped pacifiers) I was a regular at B.R.  Not only did I have a B.R. credit card – I had the “Luxe” card, or as one cashier put it “wow, you’re one of THOSE customers,” which probably meant I alone funded his entire salary for the month with my purchases.  And not only did I have the money to fund my addiction, I also had the job and social life to wear these lovely pieces of “wearable art.”  (Oh, how I heart me some Real Housewives, NY.)

In short?

I often looked like this:

Well put together, albeit all in black (my mother’s influence – black goes with Everything, even those extra 15 5lbs you’ve been meaning to lose).  Hair nicely styled (maybe even straightened), and makeup expertly applied to play up one feature while bringing out the subtle beauty of all the features combined.

FYI – the last/latest picture? Was from February.  2009.

You see, once I no longer had a job to fund my closet, my B.R. account was greatly curtailed.  To say the least.  In fact, my Luxe B.R. card greeted me this new year with a Dear John letter.  It let me down gently, saying how much fun we’d had…but how it was now feeling a tad neglected, and was moving on to someone with whom it saw more of a future.  But I was welcome to start seeing other cards.  Perhaps the “regular” B.R. card was available?

Quite frankly, I couldn’t blame it.  After all, its rather hard to go out and buy pretty new pants when a) you are on unemployment, and b) you lack the motivation to put on pants, and c) when you do find a reason to put on pants – they are of the “maternity” persuasion.  Last I checked, B.R. does not have a maternity department.  And believe me, I checked.

And now that I can actually fit back into jeans that have a real zipper?  Well…

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.


Donna May 24, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Really? I think you look pretty skinny.

Poppy May 24, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Love the second set of pictures because moms (perhaps not the Real housewives) can relate.

Your desire for beautiful clothes will return shortly, but then the zombie will most likely knock you up again.

Maggy Jeanette May 21, 2010 at 3:02 pm

The expression on your face in these pictures is priceless. Email to come.

The Empress May 21, 2010 at 4:52 am

Hi! blogger's been eating my comments, so I'm not sure if you got this yesterday or not.

I have an award up for you! It's on yesterday's post.

Thanks, see you soon!

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