If By Girl Scouts…You Mean EVIL GENIUSES

March 5, 2010

in How to Diet in Reverse

Be honest, you made a resolution to lose weight/get in shape this year. We ALL do this. The skinny girls do it loud and proud, tipsy off of their Skinny Girl Martini (the first of the evening), desperately pinching their single centimeter of loose skin and declaring in their most serious voice that they “HAVE to…HAVE HAVE HAVE to” lose that last 5 pounds. Like, NOW.

The rest of us may not be so loud about it, but there is always that tiny voice in the back of your head. It struggles out from under the rum balls and turkey and egg nog you consumed over the holidays to remind you of that little black dress you bought 3 years ago. The one that is hanging in the back of your closet with the tags still on it. Its declaring that this year should be the year you finally wear it. After all, didn’t you justify the price tag by figuring that if you wore it only 5 times, it would come out to just $30/night?

Thus, resolutions being made we have soldiered on through the New Year’s hangover, omitting Valentine’s Day (chocolates that come ina heart-shaped box don’t count – they were made with LOVE, and LOVE is calorie-free), and even managed to contain Fat Tuesday feasts to a single Tuesday.

We have made it all the way to March! Sure, we haven’t exercised quite as much as we should have. And we may have let ourselves be talked into Chipotle a few times too many. But overall? SO GOOD! Especially when you compare it to the food fest of the holidays we just left!

And then come the Girl Scouts.

Granted, they probably rang your doorbell earlier this year. And you probably ordered a box or two. You know, to help the kids. But those have yet to be delivered. They are on back-order, to be consumed after you have won the battle with your scale (or thrown the scale out, whichever).

But that is later. This is Now. In your face. EVERYWHERE. They’ve fanned out across the community. You can’t avoid them. Cute, dimpled, sweet girl scouts in their Brownie uniforms just begging you to buy their cookies. It’s impossible to go grocery shopping without getting past them first.

Its GENIUS.

Sure, you’ve brushed off the Veterans asking for donations in exchange for a paper flower to pin on your lapel (sympathetic – but its not as if the flower goes bad. You still have the one from 2 years ago pinned on your pocket flap). You’ve ignored the Salvation Army Santa standing out in the cold ringing his little bell, hoping you’ll drop more than a penny and some gum wrappers into his bucket. You’ve mastered the art of nodding with a slight, unengaging smile plastered on your face while your eyes dart nervously towards your destination – a pro at appearing to not notice the man standing directly in your path asking for your pocket change.

But little girls? You’re sunk.

You can’t be mean to a girl scout. You can’t just give them the brush off. They’re too darn cute. There’s the out-going girl with her sash full of patches and badges, chasing down the people who try to do an end-run and dash into the store via the exits. There’s the quiet, shy girl who sits at the table, manning the cash box, silently begging you to buy from her so she can earn that dolphin pencil box. And there’s the youngest one, hardly knowing whats going on- but sooo happy to finally be with the big girls, selling her first box of cookies ever.

Faced with such overwhelming cuteness – your diet resolutions?

SOO last year.

Really, what else can you do when faced with a big-eyed, pigtailed little girl wielding a box of Thin Mints?

Its for the kids.

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