If it LOOKS like Duck Sauce…

May 27, 2012

in Domesticated Dishes, SideShow Acts, Sound Bites

I love a good business trip. I’m not gonna lie. The airport, the hotels, the rental cars, the looking nice and dining out – I love them all. Even back when it was empirically impossible for me to realize just how amazing they were, given that I regularly came back to just a frantic guinea pig and his panic-induced poop-fest, I loved a good business trip.

Of course, when they hand you the “So, You Want To Be a Stay-At-Home-Mom” brochure at the end of your maternity leave, they don’t mention the severe downgrading of business trips for this particular profession. Probably because the fact that a SAHM’s business trip usually involves cramming a 4-seater sedan full of enough potty chairs, pack n’ plays, diapers, cheerios, and future projectiles to keep 2 toddlers from going all Lord of the Flies on you within the last 30miles of your trip isn’t, exactly, comparable to the pillow-top mattresses covered in deep down comforters and enough actual pillows to build another mattress on top that you’ll be passing up on your way to your in-law’s basement.

I swear. Had I known? I’d have seriously re-thought the whole getting-laid-off-while-pregnant thing.

So when I had the opportunity to go on an all-expenses-paid-by-me trip for two nights BY. MY.SELF? I might be forgiven for, amongst the desperate search for spit-up-less shirts, pants that fit, and a dress I could pump in without flashing every lecher in LaGuardia, not re-stocking the fridge with enough left-overs to last the three days I’d be gone, plus a week.

Which means it is all my fault that my son? Calls today’s recipe duck sauce.


Because, it seems, since I didn’t leave anything more enticing in the fridge than what is currently listed on the delivery menu for the local chinese restaurant, I did leave the Big Man no choice. No choice but to order enough General Tso’s with fried rice and egg rolls to last well into my return.


He claims he was thinking of me. So I wouldn’t have to cook immediately upon my return. Or, you know, eat the leftovers still there from before I left.

Isn’t he sweet?

Sweet. But unfortunate. For, it seems, that the secret to this restaurant’s ability to provide delivery service at no additional fee is to, shall we say, skimp on the extras.

So, instead of that orange-ly, gelatinous, delicious chemistry experiment gone wonderfully wrong that is duck sauce to dunk his egg rolls in? He received Apple Sauce.

At least, that was the closest thing he could liken it to.

It was a very good likeness, apparently.

Because the Little Man?

Is now asking for Mommy to make Duck Sauce. Every. Single. Day.

I may never return from another business trip again.

Apple Sauce
Dish: Side Dish
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Feeds: 12
  • 10 Macintosh Apples
  • 1 Lemon
  • 1 and ½ tsp Cinnamon
  • ¼ tsp Salt
  • 1 and ½ tsp Nutmeg
  • 1.5 cups Water
  1. Peel and core apples. Chop coarsely into small cubes.
  2. In a large pot, combine apples with 4 thin slices of lemon, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, and water.
  3. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, covered, for 30minutes.
  4. Uncover, simmer an additional 20minutes.
  5. Press through food mill, and serve warm or chilled.
Warm apple mush is MUCH easier to press through a food mill than cold apple mush. Of course, if you just press your toddler into KP duty, then who cares?


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