In Case of Emergency, Ego May Be Used As A Flotation Device

June 16, 2010

in How to be a Housewife

So we had our first swimming lesson today!
And the Little Man?
Took to it like a fresh-water fish takes to the ocean.  Meaning he wanted to be in the water.  Just not the pool water.  I believe he may have had more fun in his bath this evening than he did in the actual pool.

And yet, I count this as a win.
Because he did not:
1. Scream
2. Poo
3. Drown

Yup, we have high standards around here!  Sure, the other kids in the class could actually blow bubbles in the water when asked.  Or at least they could have if they had felt like it.  And sure, they understood the instructor when she told them to splash everyone within a 10foot radius of the Y.  But that was mostly because they understood basic English.  BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL 2.

That’s right.  2.  They combined our infant class with the toddler class.  Probably because we were the only ones in our class.  Apparently, all the other parents decided their kids should learn to walk before they swam.  Or at least stand, crawl, sit up reliably.

Pshhh.  Walking is for losers.  Whatever.

And I must confess, the narcissistic uber-competitive mommy in me (don’t act surprised, I HAVE MY OWN BLOG – you can’t have your own blog without a smidgen of narcissism) was secretly thrilled when, surrounded by kids a minimum of 18months older than my own, I heard a sudden shrill scream – and it was NOT my kid!  Sure, his eyes were so round that if we’d squeezed just a bit we’d be fishing them out of the pool drain.  And sure, I had to wrestle the pacifier out of his death grip in order to stick it in my cleavage (rather than having to later fish it out of the pool drain).  And sure, there wasn’t a single grin the entire time.

But!  There was no crying!  Or pooing!  Or drowning!
Of course, there’s always next time…


Sandra June 18, 2010 at 9:18 pm

I'm not usually big into the blogs that tell stories of the little darlings, but I loved reading you! I laughed! And the whole not pooing: bravo!
As for being uber-competitive: you go girl! We must be kindred spirits because narcissism is my middle name.

Joann Mannix June 18, 2010 at 2:54 am

So, here's the thing.

When my oldest nephew, the first born grandchild, the light of all of our lives, was 18 months old, he had to be brought back to life from a drowning. We live in Florida. Pools abound. He was found on the bottom of a friend's pool at a party when everyone looked away for just too many valuable seconds. He was CPR'd and his blue skin turned pink again, thanks to an amazing emergency medical crew. He is now 24, big and strapping and as healthy as can be.

After him, came 16 other nieces and nephews. Every one of them, because of their cousin has had infant swimming survival lessons. You will be amazed at how quickly your guy will learn. You're doing the right thing. Booby pacifier and all.

Domesticated Gal June 17, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Nervous, oh so sympathetically nervous. We fear the domino affect. Also? If it isn't our kid this time, we Know it will be next time. Usually when we are trying to impress our MIL with our parenting skills.

Athletic Monkey June 16, 2010 at 2:08 pm

My kid was the screamer in his swim class last night. He is the only 2 year old in a class of 7 month olds. I couldn't tell if the other moms felt sorry for me or nervous that this is their future.

Domesticated Gal June 16, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Are you kidding? Cleavage is how I get away with not carrying a purse the size of the Titanic – started off with lipsticks at Homecoming, went on to mini liqour bottles at my sorority's Formals, and has now progressed (regressed?) to pacifiers in the pool.

tryingtosurviveitall June 16, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Thst sounds like a win to me.
ps I thought I was the only one who stuck stuff in her boobage for safe keeping.

His Wife June 16, 2010 at 3:34 am

What a great post! I laughed the whole way through! My 9 month old had his first lake and lifejacket experience this weekend. We were soooo proud and soooo grateful that he didn't cry MUCH! And no poo happened… great!

WTH am I Doing? June 16, 2010 at 2:16 am

Fully a success, IMO. And good functional use of the cleavage!

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