It’s Going to Be a Long Winter…

October 7, 2011

in Blame The Sudafed, Cheap Expectations, I Learn the Lessons So You Don't Have To

When I woke up this morning, it was freakin’ freezing.

And by freezing?  I mean 63 degrees.  INSIDE.

And by this morning?  I mean 3am…

When I actually got out of bed to start the day, at 7am?  It was STILL freakin’ freezing.

Which made sense, seeing as how we live in the middle of Maine.  Where winter starts on October 1st.  Or at least it did, until I remembered that last night was the night I’ve been waiting for all week.  The night when the Big Man came home from work and finally realized that, perhaps, I wasn’t crazy for dressing the kids in their thermal underwear for a day of playing in our living room.  The night when he made the executive decision, as Man of the House, to take the AC units OUT of the window.  AND TURN ON THE HEAT.

My showing up for bed in socks, sweatpants, tshirt, And sweat shirt may also have been a tip off for him….

Which is to say, that when I woke up this morning?  It should have been like waking up inside a freshly baked croissant.  Rather than inside that can of pre-made Pillsbury croissant rolls that have been in the back of my freezer since Easter.  So after I checked the kids for signs of frostbite, I turned up All of our thermostats by another 5 degrees.  And waited an hour.  Just in case.  After all, I’d hate to call our landlord to complain about our lack of heat only to find out that we hadn’t done something as simple as Actually turn the heat on.

So an hour after setting every thermostat in the house to 80 degrees, I did the following:

1.  Left a message for our landlord in which I may or may not have mimicked my children’s frozen cries for warmth in a plea for a quick response.

2.  Texted the Big Man to induce him to share any knowledge of heaters he may have learned in the depths of all those medical texts he spent 4 years studying.

3.  Went online and bought a space heater for us all to huddle around in frozen solidarity.  But just one.  No need to be extravagant here.

At which point, naturally, my landlord decided to call me back.  After listening to me explain, in detail, how I was trying to keep my children warm on this frigid day in early October by turning on the electric heat because the gas heat scares the begeesus out of me and I’d rather die of hypothermia than risk us all drifting off in a haze of carbon monoxide, or better yet blowing up the neighborhood in a fiery ball of fire, and would he please just come fix the heat in our god-forsaken house because I was running out of blankets but was pretty sure the Big Man would divorce me if I took the kids South until Summer, and I just CAN’T BE A SINGLE MOTHER, PLEASE JUST TURN ON THE FREAKIN’ HEAT, he calmly asked if I had turned on the circuit breakers.

Um.  Circuit Breakers?

Yes.  The Circuit Breakers.  The ones in the downstairs bathroom?  That are clearly labeled “Electric Heat”?  And are all, clearly, turned Off to save on electricity in the summer?


So, what you’re saying is that my electric baseboards will make my house nice and toasty warm if I Actually turn them on?



Marcie November 1, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Dude, don’t feel bad. Who turns the circuit breaker off??? I’ve never heard of that. The landlord should have told you about that when you moved in.

Poppy October 12, 2011 at 1:16 am

Circuit breakers, ha! I totally would have omitted that part of the story during my dramatic reenactment to Big Man. Also, aren’t they having a sweater sale at Banana Republic :)

Domesticated Gal October 12, 2011 at 7:37 am

Hmm…I think they ARE having a sale at BR! Everything’s 75% off right?? Because that is my story and I’m sticking to it. At least until the bill comes in…

Megan (Best of Fates) October 10, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Hilarious! Sounds exactly like something that would happen to me!

Domesticated Gal October 10, 2011 at 9:40 pm

It was an awkward kind of moment…

NSC October 10, 2011 at 9:17 am

My house is the opposite…we turned the heat on a few weeks ago, then hit a heat wave that makes me feel like I’m turning on a spit for some cannibal delight. I’m 9 months pg, and our bedroom has been 82 FREAKING degrees! Sweat city!

Don’t feel too bad about the breakers though. I only know where mine are because DH told me thats where the fire would start if the house went up in flames. And I have zero clue about how to turn heat/ac on/off.

Domesticated Gal October 10, 2011 at 9:40 pm

I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I’m such a wimpy girl when it comes to house maintenance.

Sandra October 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

You’re funny! I could totally relate to this post if my area in Canada wasn’t currently experiencing freakishly unseasonal highs. I can send water bottles if you want?

Domesticated Gal October 10, 2011 at 9:39 pm

We too are now in the mid 70s-80s. Apparently, the world heard my pleas for warmth.

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