A Momentary Lapse of Sanity

May 10, 2010

in Running In Place

Remember how I DO NOT RUN??

Yeah, apparently I forgot that part too.

I blame Maggy.  Yes, marathon-running, wedding-cake-baking, my secret soul-sister, and now officially a lawyer Maggy.

You see, she decided to get married.  And while I whole-heartedly support her marrying a man who actually might deserve her, there came a certain point during her wedding reception where my camera decided to drain its third set of batteries in 8 hrs (it may not have helped that I took at least 128 photos in that same time frame).  And the extra batteries?  Were out in my car.  The batteries were out in my car, and Maggy was about to cut her wedding cake.  Lets forget the fact that, as self-appointed photographer of the day, I could not miss capturing this moment through the smudged frame of my lens, I was also not missing out on getting a piece of the deliciousness that was Maggy’s self-made, fruit-flavored, multi-layered pound cake.

And so I ran.

Granted, it was maybe 10feet from the back of the reception hall to my car.  At most.  But still, in those 30seconds of running barefoot over the gravel with my dress hiked up to my knees and my strapless bra straining to stay in place, I ran.

Oh it was glorious.  And not just because of the JD Sours the Big Man kept handing me throughout the night.


Skip forward 2 weeks to today.  When I decided that, perhaps, Maggy’s wedding had served as a wake up call.  Perhaps I could be a runner!  (This decision may or may not have been influenced by the discovery of some Very cute running clothes on sale at Sears.)

So I laced up my running (?) shoes, zipped up my new pretty pretty black & white runner’s jacket over my new pretty pretty slimming black workout outfit and stepped outside.  With Pink on the IPod, and my generous bosom constrained by not 1 but 2 sports bras, I set out for a brisk jog.

10 yards later, I’d made it to the end of the parking lot.  And the limits of my sports bras.  10 yards and my chest was already bruising from its own bouncing.

And then my milk came in.  (Yay for breastfeeding!)

But I couldn’t turn back.  Oh no.  The Big Man was back there.  Waiting.  His eye on the clock, betting against himself as to whether it would take me 1 minute or 2 to give up and come back to my Pilates mat.

So I kept going.  Granted at a walk, at first, but then – then I started jogging again.  For another 10 yards.

And so it continued.  Not the most graceful run ever.  Certainly not the most consistent.  Truth be told, I may have forgotten how to run – I’m fairly certain there is some trick or technique I’m lacking.  But 10 minutes later, my chest hurting now not only from the bouncing bosom, but also from the exercise-induced asthma, I’d made it around the block.  Sure, I might have been gasping for breath so hard that the skin under my tongue hurt from the effort, but I had made it around the block.

And tomorrow?  I’ll try it again.  With Duct Tape this time.


Melissa May 12, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Firstly, the walk/ jog is the new marathon run. Varying your intensity is suppose to burn more calories.

Secondly, I have run with milk laden boobies. I only have boobs because I'm nursing so just the feeling of movement on my chest was exciting. I smiled through the pain. Have you tried wearing a regular bra under your sports? It add more support.

Domesticated Gal May 12, 2010 at 6:34 am

Ya'll are the best! I HATE bouncy boobs, and while I feel like one of those rich women complaining about "I don't know what to do with all that money" – those suckers have NO silicone/saline to hold them up. And natural DDs? Do NOT look good when they are bouncing in two different directions at the same time.

Asthma has recovered for the moment – the Big Man got me these nifty "sleeves" for the emergency inhaler so it can attach directly to my keychain. He assumes I'll run again. Sweet man. Mildly delusional. But sweet.

The Empress May 12, 2010 at 6:17 am

Wish I could relate, but I'm built like my 2 brothers…I could go shirtless and no one would think "who's that girl livin free over there??"

Glad you did it. How is your asthma, though??

Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him May 11, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Ha ha, you've made me grateful for my A cups. Too bad your boobs can't let down Vitamin Water instead…that could keep you hydrated!

jss May 10, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Ugh, the bouncy boobs are the WORST part of running. I also wear two sports bras, and it doesn't seem to make a damn bit of difference.

I have a friend who wears a super supportive underwire UNDERNEATH a super supportive sports bra. I may have to give that a whirl.

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