No, ma’m, that’s not a bun in my oven…

August 23, 2012

in How to Diet in Reverse

I’d just like to say that, while writing this post, I do NOT have a Krispy Kreme donut in hand.

But only because there aren’t any left.

Which brings me to my point for the day.

This whole “losing weight/maintaining weight loss” thing? Is hard.

I’d like to take this moment to thank Maggy, who just mentally slapped me and told me to sit down on my beautiful arse and shut-up before she force feeds me Biscuitville’s finest. Because that’s what friends are for.

I know. I’ve lost weight. And six months ago, I was skinnier than I was when I graduated college.

And it was fantastic.

To pull out a pair of pants or a shirt and worry that it might have gotten too big since I last wore it. The clothing. NOT me.

It. Was. Awesome.

And then the Little Miss discovered her love of solid foods.

Which, sadly, she comes by rather honestly. Although I’m not above a nice liquid lunch every now and again…

And that’s when I realized something. Something I’d also realized when the Little Man discovered the joys of consuming his own calories, rather than his mothers. Something I’d then promptly forgotten when we oh-so-conveniently decided to get pregnant again and I could immediately justify switching back to my elastic-waisted jeans and maxi dresses.

This whole being “skinny” thing?

I never actually earned it.

Sure, I couldn’t eat through the entire first trimester of the Little Man’s pregnancy. So those 15pounds I dropped then weren’t exactly easy. But I didn’t have to do anything to lose them. Other than listen to my body’s gentle-as-a-herd-of-pink-elephants-protesting-their-treatment-in-Disney’s-Dumbo persuasions not to eat anything.

But then, after the whole “giving birth” thing, I started breastfeeding. And I could eat an entire party-sized bag of hershey kisses in one sitting and not have to worry about anything but wether I’d have to go buy a smaller pair of pants the next day.

I even bought smaller underwear. Underwear. Everything but smaller bras. I’m telling you – weight watchers needs to get all their bitches on a breast feeding program, asap.

And sure, I exercised some. Sporadically. Until I got pregnant again, and it was all I could do to get out of bed long enough to change one infant’s diaper while simultaneously growing/holding the next one with just my ab muscles.

And sure, the Big Man and I have built ourselves a nice little soap box about trying not to eat processed foods, and not eat out, and make vegetables the center of our diet.

And sure, portion control is great, when I think about it. And not eating processed foods is…well, a process. I’ve given up Oreos. But try and take away my Cabot cheese-flavored popcorn with a glass of raspberry wine, and its going to look like HBO’s filming a scene from the next episode of Game of Thrones. And not a naked one.

So while I try to just eat my three sensible meals a day, when I’ve finally gotten the kids locked-down for a few hours and given up on the chores for the day, and have nothing to do but kick some Bingo butt….well, I can’t help but remember those left-over tortillas in the fridge. And the remnants of that block of cheddar cheese. Or those mushrooms I sauteed earlier. Or the cookies in the freezer. Or the Little Man’s potty candy….


Shibahn Landry August 26, 2012 at 12:30 am

Or the candy in the goody bag from a party your child attended… I so feel you honey.

NSC August 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm

You just made me really hungry.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: