The Oscars…aka…How to Gain 2 Pounds in 3 Hours

March 8, 2010

in How to Diet in Reverse

I feel like a french fry.  A Large, greasy french fry.  And not just because my son decided mama needed to feed him instead of showering yesterday.

No, I feel like a heart-attack in-waiting because last night we decided, in honor of the Oscars, to break-in our new-2years-ago fryer by frying everything in the house (This sentence brought to you by the hyphen).  Mushrooms, onions, chicken, pita bread, home-made mozzarella sticks, oreos, twinkies, chocolate chip cookies…you name it, we fried it.  The only things that escaped were the pickles and the guinea pig – and only because we forgot them.

So, as I sit on the couch, praying my son doesn’t wake up yet so I don’t have to leverage my lard-ass off this couch anytime soon, and contemplate if I’ll ever eat anything ever again, here are some lessons learned:

  • Home-made mozzarella sticks are Totally worth the trouble of getting panko breadcrumbs to stick to string cheese.  Unless you ask your husband to do it.  The one who, apparently, Hates following a recipe.  And may or may not end up hurling partially-breaded cheese sticks around the kitchen.
  • Fried Oreos = AWESOME
  • Fried Chocolate Chip Cookies = NOT so Awesome
  • The more fried goodness I consume, the thicker the southern accent gets.  Ya’ll.
  • When given the choice between watching the Oscars or frying …anything…all men will eventually end up camped out in the kitchen.  Only one of them will actually be doing the frying – but there will be many serious discussions on his technique.  And there will be NO attempts at cleanup.  That would be woman’s work…
And for those of you wondering how we got the idea to celebrate the Oscars by consuming enough fried food to satisfy every NASCAR fan at the Indy500?  Because I’m pretty sure, after weeks of fasting to fit into that dress, even Sandra Bullock would give up her Oscar for a Fried Oreo.

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