Reality Rant

February 10, 2009

in Blame The Sudafed

I’m home sick today. Sand-paper throat, sinuses threatening (promising?) to implode, nauseous icky feeling, etc. Which puts me in the perfect mood to catch up on my reality TV.

(That’s probably been one of my biggest adjustments to living with the Big Man. The man is not shy about his opinions – he’ll offer them up free of charge or request – and he HATES reality TV. Or anything that isn’t Scrubs. Which means I have to sneak in all of my reality TV when he’s on-call or so absorbed in studying in the next room that he won’t come out and catch me mid-show.)

I’m not into Survivor or those contestant shows – so over done at this point (except for Top Chef, naturally). And the Real World has lost its panache. What’s the point if the strangers skip the “polite” stage and just get into the “real” bitchiness? I’m not watching reality TV to actually see real people – if I wanted to hear that, I’d go to Walmart. Give me some secretly dysfunctional people trying to maintain their secrets while living out the bright idea of letting cameras follow them around everywhere. Real Housewives, True Life, etc. As my stylist said – its not sitting in judgement if it just happens to be true.

So in flipping channels between Bravo and MTV (which entails flipping through all the channels in between since Nibbles decided to eat the “back” button on the remote) I kept landing on TLC. Would you like to know what they show all day?

Women giving birth.

In all its sweaty, grunting, tearing glory.

Now I’m not necessarily a prude. All for discreet public breastfeeding. Pregnancy can be a beautiful thing (when you aren’t the one experiencing morning sickness… or the spouse lucky enough to be on the receiving end of the mood swings… or when you’re Angelina Jolie). And I understand that there are women/families who want it on tape as the beginning of their home video collections. But really – is this something that needs to be nationally broadcast ALL DAY LONG?

After all, this is just the MOTHER OF ALL HOME VIDEOS. And while we all enjoy watching movies of ourselves waddling around as toddlers – that usually lasts until we are teens and are waddling for different reasons. Not to mention the zit-siting games that can result from perpetual zoom-ins to “catch” your reactions.

And other than ourselves and our mothers – who else is that in love with us that they want to watch any of these home videos even once? Sure, your sweetie sat through it with an amused smile the first time – to impress your mom, and gain ammo to tease you about later. But now? “Gee..I think I’ll go help your dad on the grill…have fun!”

Even if you happen to have a passion for recording each and every important-at-the-time moment, WHY would you want to be recorded at exactly THAT angle? And why, as the child being birthed, would you later want to see your mother from THAT angle? In my (admittedly naieve and limited) vantage point from the couch, giving birth is like exercising. Something you may allow, with great reservations, your husband to see you do – but for the rest of the world, they can just admire the glorious, sweat-free, clothed results after the fact.

So now that the cold-medicine induced rant has ceased, I’m digging the remote out of the couch cushions and moving on. ET’s 100 sexiest bodies or CSI?

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