Why You Should Always Read Your Shoe’s Instruction Manual

June 12, 2012

in I Learn the Lessons So You Don't Have To, Running In Place

So, last week when I was asking how to run? I probably should have waited for your answers. Especially considering I was running in these:


 As opposed to THESE:

Not My Feet

Because, apparently, there is a BIG difference. Other than that one fits you like a soggy kleenex box, and the other like one of those hippie socks from 1991.

Also NOT My Feet

I assume ya’ll know this already.

Partly because ya’ll seem like runners to me. I know at least one of ya’ll has run a half marathon.  And another of you pointed out that YouTube isn’t just for learning how to look like a hooker crack lobsters anymore. In fact, I’d bet a batch of cookies the rest of ya’ll were at least running a mile around the track back in middle school, while I was cheering you on from my place in the bleachers.

And partly because, well, basic logic might dictate that there is some sort of difference between a so called “Sneaker” and a “Barefoot Shoe.” Other than the fact that one comes in a MUCH better color selection.

I could probably tell you the difference, had I bothered to open up the shoe box myself, retrieved the shoes AND their instruction manual, and hidden both in a place I’d be sure to find them again. Probably behind the chocolate.

As it is, you’ll probably have to ask the Little Miss what the instruction manual that went with my Five-Finger shoes said. Because she ate it. Or at least enough of it to induce me to throw out the bits I fished out from between her tonsils.

Although, if I’m being honest, it wouldn’t have mattered much even if she’d framed them and presented it as a Mother’s Day gift instead. I may be a bookworm…but unless they wrote those instructions in Klingon, I doubt I’d have found them compelling enough to actually read.

I mean, really, they’re shoes. With VELCRO. Sure, my two-year old may be having some problems figuring out how to work the velcro straps on his shoes…but I’ve got a few degrees on him. And if I can figure out how to hook up an entertainment system comprised of 3 different electronics from three different countries in Asia without so much as glancing at their pictures? Surely I can figure out how to work a pair of shoes.

Please note, I said work…not run…

And I have to say, much like my EBay-ed set of Gilmore Girl DVD’s purchased from Hong Kong, they did work just fine. For a while.

And by a while, I mean 3 miles.

Not that I was running all 3 of those miles.

Or that I even went 3 miles in one day.

It was more like 1 mile, every other day, for 3 days. Of which, I actually ran probably a 1/4.

And then I busted my heel.

Apparently, those instructions the Little Miss ate? Explicitly state that you aren’t supposed to go more than 1/2 a mile in them at a time for the first few weeks. Something about using their technology to rebuild your foot, make it better, faster, stronger.

And if you do?

 Better Luck Next Year


Liz June 13, 2012 at 8:17 am


Bahnie June 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm

You poor thing! I hope you heal quickly. Who’d a thought that running shoes would need instructions? I’ll be sure to watch for that when I buy my next pair…one of these days… 😉 Hope you can get back to running soon!

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