Would someone wipe the Drool off my Arm?

May 5, 2010

in Blame The Sudafed

I don’t co-sleep.

At least not well.  Not even with my husband.  For one thing, there’s the fact that my husband is secretly a zombie.  Not to mention a sprawler.  And when a 6’2” man is a sprawler? (As is the 5’3” Domesticated Gal, but not quite as…extensively.)  You can’t even think of fitting on anything less than a king-size bed.

Sure, at one point we used to share an (extra-long) twin bed (PLATONICALLY GRANDMA, PLATONICALLY!).  But we weren’t married back then.  Which meant we thought that clinging to each other through the night so that one of us didn’t end up on the floor (and by one of us, I mean me) was incredibly romantic.  And sweaty.  But mostly romantic.  After all, doesn’t it mean true love when you can wake up to someone’s morning-after-chinese-for-dinner-breath 5 centimeters from your nose, wipe their drool out of your hair, and sweetly wait for the feeling to come back to your left arm?

Of course, now that we have the official marriage license to prove how committed we are to each other, we’ve decided that snuggling up to each other is sweet…for about 5 minutes.  At which point he shoves me to my side of the bed we kiss goodnight and roll to our own sides of the bed.

So when we added the Little Man to our family, co-sleeping wasn’t even a question.  In addition to my fear that I will either a) smother my kid with my generous boobs while attempting to feed him in the dark of the night, b) smother my kid by pulling the covers up over his face while attempting to hide from his zombie father, or c) kick him off onto the floor like so many a pillow before him; I was also pretty sure that, given the propensity for sprawling of his two genetic founders, he too would be a sprawler.

And I was right.

While the kid may only be four months old (ok, admittedly he is the size of a smallish two-year-old), he can take up at least as much room as I do.  That, combined with my irrational fears of zombies and smothering, guarantees that if we co-sleep I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

And I have been doing exceptionally well in my resolution.  Much better than the “my child will have no pacifiers! he will learn to self-soothe” diatribe, which lasted 1 month, or the “he doesn’t need a $100 swing!” decision, which lasted 2 months.

But this week has weakened me.  Following the whirlwind trip across 4 states to see every person possible vacation in Virginia where the Little Man not only (re)met his Grandma, Grandpa, Great Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Great Aunt, Cousins of varying degrees, and 22 (no joke) of his Grandma’s friends/neighbors/and co-workers at her “viewing of the Grandchild party” in 7 days, but also had his first weekend away from the parentals AND his first bout with allergies – he is now learning to hack up his first lung.  And cut his first tooth.

Sick.  AND.  Teething.

Which makes for one unhappy Little Man.  One who wakes up every hour or so through the night because something hurts.  Or he’s hungry.  I’m not quite sure which all the time.  And the only thing that seems to comfort him/allow him to get some decent sleep (ie. stop hitting himself in the face – WTF??) is snuggling up with his Momma.

So co-sleeping?  Is looking more and more appealing. 

And while that would not actually allow me to sleep, it would allow me not to have to get out of my nice warm bed every 45minutes.

Of course, there is the fact that he has a propensity for peeing-through his diapers.

And the fact that his father is a secret zombie…


Poppy May 6, 2010 at 8:50 pm

If you never smothered the zombie with your ample bosoms in a twin bed, the little guy does have some zombie DNA :) Obviously it's an individual decision based on your comfort level, but in my experience the biggest negative of co-sleeping were my FAT babies because they tended to snack all night long and I didn't wake up to stop them! Good luck, teething stinks!

Accidental Baby Maker May 6, 2010 at 5:32 am

Oh my gosh.. I am laughing outloud as I read. We are there !!! to the point (totally embarrassed to admit) the hubs is sleeping on an airmattress cause I couldn't handle his zombie like state anymore. Not to mention the teeth grinding YES I SAID TEETH GRINDING…. and chain saw of a snore. It wouldn't be so bad if the second I finally manage to drown him out, my little man wakes up.. so I was literally sleepless for the first month. Glad we are not alone, I have a co-sleeper next to me for the same fear of smothering

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