Elephants, Children, or Male-Mistresses

May 9, 2010

in Blame The Sudafed

I think my neighbor is having an affair.  Or secretly running an illegal daycare.  Its definitely one or the other.

Evidence 1:  I was almost run over yesterday morning by a man, NOT this neighbor’s husband, running out of the apartment.  In his pajamas.  He proceeded to then jump into his truck, tear out of the parking space…and then pull into one 4 spots closer to the door.  Clearly planning for an easy get away at a later time.

Evidence 2:  At varying hours of the day, there can be heard (and possibly seen, if I weren’t too lazy to get up and open the front door) a myriad of small children running up and down the halls.  (Although, from the sounds, I could be wrong and she’s just running an illegal zoo – and letting the elephants run amok.)  Now, I am fairly certain she was child-less when they moved in last year.  And unless she’s octo-mom on steroids and managed to conceive and birth a pack of 8yr olds in a single year, I’m fairly certain they aren’t actually hers.  And the strange man I had the opportunity to observe bounding down the stairs in his man-pajamas? Definitely her helper.  Or another charge.  I don’t ask.

Now sure, I could probably actually talk to her and find out that the man is her brother who possibly moved in with her to help take care of her younger siblings that she takes on their odd-day off from school while her parents are at work.  THAT would be entirely logical, now wouldn’t it?

But, luckily for you readers, we aren’t actually on speaking terms.

Not that it started off that way.  I’m not one of those people you take an instant dislike too (unless there is something wrong with you.  Like you like kicking puppies.  Then you’d probably hate me.  Not that I look like a puppy, but if you are just that kind of person you probably take an instant dislike to most people not currently kicking puppies).  In fact, I actually made a genuine effort when they first moved in.  I BAKED THEM COOKIES.  COOKIES, people. MY COOKIES.  Which are like crack.  Only better.  You can’t NOT like them.

And they did like them!

In fact, they returned the empty cookie container filled with brownies!

Unfortunately, at that point they also met the Big Man.  Who, when they mentioned how much they enjoyed my cookies, casually agreed with them.  Not so much in a “yes, they are delicious” way, but in a “yeah, I’m thinking about starting my own religion worshipping them” way.

Which for him, is actually one of his less-scandalous lines.  He didn’t compare them to any of the seven deadly sins.  Or crack.

But, apparently, these people are VERY serious about their religious jokes.  Or they already worship brownies.  I’m not sure which.

But the next thing we knew, they were slowly backing away, towards their still-open door across the hall, with a hurried “we should have you over for dinner sometime…but we’re Very. Very. Busy…”

And that?  Is the last I’ve heard from them.

Which leads me to one of two conclusions:
They didn’t actually like the cookies quite as much as we do.
She is running an illegal daycare service with her male-mistress.

See? It HAS to be the illegal daycare service.  Or a zoo.


The Empress May 17, 2010 at 3:13 am

I love spying on your neighbor stuff…more, please!!!!

jss May 10, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Hahahaha, I just laughed through this entire post. Love it!

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